Once upon a time, there was a man...

Once upon a time there was a man.  He had a family who loved him and a loving wife who adored him.  He had spent his life always doing what he thought was the right thing.  He was honorable and acted with integrity.  The man always struggled with voices, not audible voices, but thoughts, both positive and negative that could influence his life and decisions.  Long and hard was the struggle to cling to the positive voices, the voices of hope, dreams and joy.

As he grew older, and after many years of hard work, some would call him a workaholic, who never seemed to give up.  After those many years, he became tired and burned out, for what he was doing did not bring him the joy it once did, because it was all based on money and how much he could earn.   When he came to realize, this is not what life is, and happiness is not an abundance of wealth, his view of his own life and that of his family had changed.

He remembered when he was a boy, the worlds he made with his imagination.  Dreams, that even though he worked endless hours he never forgot.  Soon he began to realize, what have I done with my life, what can I do to bring maybe a sparkle of joy, a glint of hope or even a shard of wonder to it and to others.  Thus he began to write, and write he did, about fantastic worlds that could only exist in dreams.

As time went by life changes occurred.  The job that he thought we would have for another 30 years ended abruptly.  It was a storm he saw coming, but the way he lived and the values he now held dear changed. The way he viewed his life and that of his beloved family changed as well.

In the moment of what seemed as failure, was to become a glimmer of hope.  Through the prompting and encouragement of his wife, he returned to school to learn new things, skills and tools that would help him build his worlds which he had for so long carried in his mind.  Gradually, a spark of enthusiasm and new life welled up inside of him as he began to see the images that had only once been in his mind or on a sheet of paper whether they be words or sketches, now come fully to life on a brazened screen of amplified light.

Never before had he reached this potential to build worlds, form civilizations and develop enduring characters, until now.  Dreams soon becoming reality.

As with every student the time of learning would pass, and the master would release his student into the world.  It was now up to this new and excited mind to begin developing those worlds and building them so that he could share them with others and bring hope and wonder to their lives.

He now faces new challenges, of what does the future hold.  Does he have enough faith to persevere against his own voices which taunt him and tell him he cannot do such things?  Or does he trust the kind whisper that says all things are possible for him who believes.  This man now stands at a crossroads.  There will be many challenges, challenges to the very dreams and visions he has had, things that may even threaten the very worlds he is building.  The question remains with him, what will he decide.  What voice will he choose to listen too.  For the sake of his loved ones and for the love of the people he may in time touch with wonder and joy, may he listen to that quiet whisper, "Never give up!"

The Next Step

So I graduated in May from Johnson County Community College with an Associates in Animation, Entertainment and Game Art.  Now that's a mouthful.

Looking for a job in any of those industries in the Kansas City area, is similar to trying to become an actor or singer.  You really have to work hard to stand out among the rest. In doing that, I will be remaking my entire demo reel.  In fact I might have to make more than one, with varying focus, one on 3D animation, another on gaming, and maybe another on 2D art.

In the meantime, unless a miracle is so gracious to befall me, I will have to return to engineering to support my family.  I hope for this to only be a temporary situation, and to eventually "break" into a more creative field.  At least I have already started a Game Company, and we are making our first game, but we have yet to turn a profit.

Even though I really dread going back to an occupation I dislike, I really need to remember that not very many people have been graced with the support and the chance to restart their lives.  Most people either don't even consider it, are content just to continue to do what they are doing or are really just worried about surviving each day.  I think most people never get the chance to sit back and analyze their life, to evaluate the life they have lived, asking the question "Am I joyful about what I am doing with my life?"

I have spent over 25 years in non-creative occupations.  In those years I provided for my family and I paid the bills.  But as for myself, I felt trapped and inevitably doomed to a career that was unimaginative and unfulfilled.  Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful wife and kids, but I need to be honest, I have always had this nagging restlessness to want to do something different, something creative and wonderful, a dream, a wish to publish a book, make a movie or to develop a game.  Passing that major milestone in May brought me closer to realizing those dreams.

So where I am now is the Next Step.  I have obtained a degree and training in what I really have a passion for.  The training I have received will allow me to develop art work for games, my novel series.  I can develop digital models, animations and videos centered around my interests, I also have developed my skills in texturing, animation and modeling, all things that will contribute positively to the goals I wish to achieve in my life.

One of my biggest fears in my life was that all the work I had completed on my novels, my worlds, would only be known by those closest to me, and they would never been seen or enjoyed by the wider public.  I know have the tools to make those dreams become a reality.  It has been a long 3 1/2 year, of hard work, of determination, of overcoming fears and worries.  That restlessness and passion has been sated just a bit more, and now I must prepare to go to the next level, to take that Next Step.

Finding Harmony between Fantasy and Reality

For me at times it can be a war, and others it is a careful and labored balance. This is something I have wrestled with all my life, in some ways I have successfully managed it, while at other times I have failed. Now I find myself working with and teaching my children to help them “manage” their reality and their fantasy.

What I am talking about here in terms of Reality is working a job, paying bills, doing homework (on time), cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, attending to responsibilities that we have to because we are a member of society, and it even can come down to being able to appropriately interact with people on a “common” level and in all of this, trying to do it well. There are just some things that we have to do because we enjoy the benefits of civilized society, we should participate and do our part.

In terms of Fantasy, I speak of stories, books, movies and games. We as a society have enjoyed many manifestations of this type of gift, from the familiars of Hunger Games and Stars Wars to more obscure games and short stories, to even something as basic as a Fantasy Football game.

I relate to you my own experience, where over my life I have had this nagging restlessness, a drive to create worlds, or rather, universes. Most of them ideal in the sense that I have control of over their histories, their characters, their physical laws and how the people who inhabit them effect that universe. This is what I and others call “World Building”, which for me crosses dimensions and universes and frees me from the bonds of an imperfect world.

Yet even with that I must comment, that creating other imperfect worlds is an essential part of “World Building”. I first began developing my worlds at a very young age, perhaps 5 to 6 years old, influenced by cartoons, TV and movies, and later by books. I began writing down the details of these various worlds at the age of 8 years old, making lists of solar systems, the details of their constituent worlds, their populations, their appearance of their member races, the types of spaceships they flew and the weapons they used. I also must add, that I still have these drawings and notebooks.

I remember at one time I had over twenty “universes” in development (from a post-apocalyptic earth to a high technology, multi-galactic empire), and with so much to keep track of with the various universes, and dealing with the real world, I felt as if I was losing my mind, literally going insane... I had to temper my zealous enthusiasm to concentrate on fewer “universes” and work to fully develop them into something more understandable and tangible.

As my children get older, they have begun their own journeys into world building, at various levels. I have noticed that they are going down the same path I did, either rewriting existing worlds someone else has developed, or adding into those existing worlds. Its only a matter of time, before they grow weary and begin to create new universes for themselves. With this, I see shadows of my childhood and adolescent years as they struggle to manage reality and fantasy. This can be very challenging for those who understand what I am talking about.

In some ways it has been crucial that there is someone like my wife in our family, who is down to earth, not having her head in the clouds like the rest of us, and bringing us back to reality, albeit in a kind and gentle way. But to be honest, this is not always the case, for it does sometimes require intervention for us to wake some of the kids up when they are “traveling in those other universes”. It has been a challenge for my wife and I who at times must constantly redirect the kids and help them to balance their time between their fantasy and imagination and doing their homework, completing chores, even reminding them to take showers...

For some people who are gifted with vivid imaginations, such as myself, and many of my children, it is harder for us, more than others to maintain existence in the reality, preferring more to live in the Fantasy. That way we avoid what we consider the pain, the fear and the inadequacies of the Real Material World. This has been a constant issue of finding harmony between the two, living my life since I can remember with one foot in Reality and one in Fantasy.

Over time I have had to teach my children the skills of balance. Some are more responsive that others. My tactics and the way I go about this have to be considered very carefully, for when I was growing up, I felt as though from my perspective it was ripped and torn from me at times... and perhaps it was for the better, for I would not be the person I would be today without it (a “good pain” if you will allow me to use the phrase loosely). Yet I have devoted myself to not allowing my children to experience the “suffering” I did at the hands of the world, for I believe there is always a way to improve a tactic or strategy. Somehow I will continue to train my children to love and relish their Fantasy worlds into their adult years, without losing sight of the responsibilities and pressures of the real world, and do it with love, mercy, kindness and gentleness.

Now is this something I get right all the time? Certainly not, I have failed in my efforts more than once, as my wife and children could testify. I remember my own tears from many years ago, and it brings me back to that place, where I have to reevaluate myself, and how I raise my children, especially when dealing with the balance between two competing worlds.

One tactic that has worked for me the best, which could be the most basic and obvious, is to have the world building be a reward for a job well done, or a job completed. I plan out what it is that I need to get done in Reality, accomplish that task and reward myself with time in my world of Fantasy. Good time management, self-discipline and keeping the big picture in perspective are crucial to success in achieving the balance.

Granted most people have difficulty understanding what I am talking about in these previous paragraphs. Perhaps it is something they either can't or more likely choose not to grasp. But that is OK, It perhaps something not to be understood, rather accepted. Thus the person who finds themselves straddled between two worlds is often relegated to being labeled as a daydreamer, slacker or trapped in having their priorities not lined up correctly.

In the end, this is the charge I have given my children, to pursue their dreams, to build their worlds, to foster their love for the Fantasy and to NEVER “grow” out of it. I currently encourage them to never set aside the idea of being an award winning author, a top movie director or a cutting edge game developer, and that this goal IS POSSIBLE for them. I never want their enthusiasm, or their fire to be extinguished by time, negative comments, or non-supportive attitudes that could rob them of that chance to do something great. I think for our family, that's what fuels us. Yet, in those moments we need to tend to what is in front of us, and deal with reality, get it taken care of, so we can return to fantasy once again.

I could make a great income, have a nice house and new cars, and have money in the bank, all the bills paid, accrue many material items and still feel as though I have missed out on the greatest things in life, resulting in being quite miserable. The ability to live out Fantasy, to build Worlds would fulfill that nagging desire inside myself to never stop creating and inventing, and have the privilege to share them not only with my family and friends but also the world, if they be willing.

A New Journey

Why have I chosen to call this blog, that I hope to post to consistently, called A New Journey?

In short, I spent almost 20 years in the world of Engineering, where I learned a great deal about the work place, about people and about business.  I also learned that what was a passion for drawing and creating illustrations for science fiction and fantasy worlds, somehow was transformed into a career in Instrumentation and Controls Engineering, which in short had nothing to do with drawing, illustration or fantasy.

In January 2010, I was laid off from the company that I first truly started out with, and had returned to after an 8 year field construction and plant maintenance stint. Experiencing what was the third lay-off in a 18 year career with an industry that is quite volatile and unstable (referring to Chemical Manufacturing and Oil/Gas Refining), I decided that I needed to reevaluate my life choices in terms of a career. I needed to return to my roots, of art, of creating and freeing myself from the pigeon hole I had found myself in.

I chose to go back to school and nurture my passion for movies, TV and video games, more specifically in the military history, science fiction and fantasy genres. Thus I began a New Journey, changing careers, or at least in the process thereof, and utilize my gifts, passions and love of creating worlds, writing about them and to eventually produce them in media. I hope you can join me as I will address many aspects of this journey, from the process of reeducation, finding my place among a new group of professionals, accepting challenges and overcoming obstacles that a middle aged father of five finds himself in where most of his colleages at this moment are 20 years his junior.

Thanks for Reading,

Dwight Jeffress aka “Andromahkos”